Life Question 3: How Many Cats must a Woman Own to be Considered a Cat Lady?

You've heard it on the News.

You've seen it in the Simpson's Cartoons.

You've even watched it in Batman.

Make no mistake... the Cat Lady trend is here to stay.

That's right, I said trend. Don't worry, I'll get that later.

First, you might be asking, aren't cat ladies the people that insist on devoting their entire life to breeding cats?

No, you incompetant buffoon.

I'm talking about the ladies who live and die alone and are usually found being eaten by their pets....thousands and thousands of CATS at the time of their death!

Now I, for some reason, am a cat person. I do like little kitties. They are just so cute. However, I cannot imagine absorbing my entire life by paying attention to a thousand different animals.

In fact, most people can't imagine it.

There is only one type of person that lives this way. Yeah, that's right. Grown up Emo Kids.

Emo kids of course are the children in our public schools that dress in all black, believe that their lives are worthless (and usually they are), and complain or whine about how life is unfair. Oh yeah, and they have shitty music.

Anyway, as emo children begin to mature (at a super slow rate), they begin to realize that if they don't shut up, somebody will beat the hell of them. However, they do not all grow up.

For these weirdo children, a life of complete isolation awaits them. Within 30 years, the mental disease to need to depend on animals kicks in. 50 cats later, the cats suffocate the owner beneath a giant cat nip orgy...Oh God!

This crime against nature must stop! But how?

Well, thank God for communism! http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2008/jul/22/russian.emo (seriously, read it)

That's right! Russia is declaring war on emo kids. So why not us?

I mean, the war on poverty and the war against terror don't seem to be working, but i really think we could win this one! I mean, think about it, it's like picking on the losers from your high school all over again! SIMPLE right?

It's so easy. We might as well spend a billion dollars passing the legislation.

We need to pass legislation about emos and cat ladies. The only question is...

How many cats must you own to be considered a cat lady?

10?

20?

50?

Or just 1 damn sexy cat?

And here's another question for your noodle. Let's say that the limit is 10 cats. So any person, who owns 10 cats is to be considered a cat lady. Are the people who own 9 cats, just a type of emo cat lady poser?

Should we pass legislation for posers? Posers are super dumb.

Anyway, send me your cat lady ideas on this website or twitter them to me at Kwazykozmo and I will begin writing my proposal for Anti-Cat Lady Legislation for Obama.

Because this is.... A National Crisis.