Introducing the "Shananagram"

Channel Hide Proudly Introduces The

Welcome to the future, ladies and gentlemen, as we announce the creation of a new and unique service only available from your friends at Hidesquadron Enterprises: The Shenanagram™.

Q: What is a Shenanagram™?

Simply Put, a Shenanagram™ is hate mail, drafted by our team of experts here at Channel Hide and sent to a recipient as chosen by those requesting the Shenanagram™.

Q: Start Over, please...

Ok, a few days ago I was conversing with a coworker (lets call him "Dan") and brought up the subject of this very blog, which "Dan" found very interesting. We discussed various aspects of our young website and after giving it a look "Dan" loved the idea of our newly initiated concept, the "Shenanaganary Rating." I received a few other emails regarding it and the overall consensus is that every post needs a Shenanaganary Rating and that pretty much anything involving the word shenanigan is hilarious. We started using the word in various forms, each trying to top the last, and I eventually blurted out the word "Shenanagram"

The idea blossomed from there. We thought that the word basically became some silly form of the word telegram and thought a service called Shenanagram would be fantastic. We were right. Shenanagram™ was born.

We decided that, once or twice a week, we would take user submissions of various people that deserve hate mail or other type of complaint correspondence and draft a 1-page business style letter to that person. The letter would be signed by the user who suggested the recipient, the Channel Hide "Shenanagram Team™", as well as all other visitors to the blog who felt compelled to co-sign. One week after posting on Channel Hide, the letter will be sent to the recipient, who is free to respond to the letter.

Q: E-mailed or Snail-Mailed?

The document and co-sign document will be e-mailed to the recipient, mainly because it is free.

-HOWEVER-

Another member of the Channel Hide team will be creating a Pay-Pal account in order to accept donations to be used to pay for the cost of snail-mailing a hard copy of the letter and the co-sign document to the recipient. At first, this will probably cost just a few cents, but should our community grow, causing our co-sign document to blossom, the potential for major shipping costs does exist.

The original user may also feel free to ship at their own expense, should they choose.

Q: How do I submit a reciepient for a Shenanagram™?

You can submit your Shenanagram™ request to the following address:

Shenanagram (at) gmail (dot) com

What to include in this email:

- Your Name or Desired Username (feel free to remain anonymous or hide behind a screen name)

- Your e-mail address (for verification purposes)

- The Recipient's Name

- The Recipient's Contact Information (email, mailing address, etc.)

- NOTE: The more information you give us on how to contact your recipient, the better. We will not research contact information for you, so if you do not include everything necessary for the final step, we will discard your submission)

- A few words about why we should draft a Shenanagram™ to the recipient

- We know you are having a problem with this person/organization, but we are not mind readers (yet). Please include any and all information you feel necessary for our team of writers to adequately draft a well worded and humorous piece of correspondence. Rule of thumb: More is better, and be specific. We may not have the same feelings as you do, so the more you give us, the better we can attempt to capture your pure, unrivaled hatred.

We are eventually going to add a gadget of some sort to the sidebar of the blog, but until now, please use the email we have set up.

Q: How is a Shenanagram™ Chosen?

Depending on the volume of submissions, we will pick one we feel will be the most entertaining to write. Should be get a multitude of submissions, we will randomly choose one or two. Those who submit a request will be notified if their recipient is chosen, and can withdraw their submission at any time prior to posting.

Q: What will be done if a response is recieved?

That depends on the response. Regardless of the content, we will post it here, for all to see.

That's it! Welcome to the future of hate mail! Let the Shenanigans commence!

~Jimmy "This is gonna be so damn cool when it gets popular" the G.

--

This post has a Shenanaganary rating of:

"Shenanaspam"

Alright, Who's This Wise Guy?

Well, you're silly for asking that. I am far from wise. In fact, I'm a lunatic. Well, not really, just a little goofy. Even my name is goofy. Kuzma. What the heck is a Kuzma? By the way it's pronounced Koozma. That was sexy. I think I'll say it again. Koozma.

Anyway, I am a college student in West Virginia (the rumors are true, we call it the toothbrush because everyone only has one tooth here). In my senior year, I have found West Virginia a little boring, so I've started new hobbies (such as this one).

Now that formalities are out of the way, we can get down to business.

Why am I here?

I plan to contribute my "two cents" every now and again to help Jim "enrich your day".

Who cares what I have to say?

Well lots of people: smurfs, leprechauns, hippies, George Bush, fish. I'm just an interesting kid to follow.

What will I say?

Well, as a goofy kid I've developed a weird prospective on how to look at life. For example, while some people may say the glass is half full, I say it's half empty because I was the one who drank half of the water. See? weird.

Anyway, I am known to many as a man with a million questions.
I like to call these questions: life questions. I consider my questions life questions because although humorous in nature, they really have some application to the world.

For example, Life Question 7: How many cats do you need to own to be officially be considered as a "cat lady"? Is the answer 10?, 20? 100? If the answer is 10, what happens if you only own 9? Are you a poser? TELLLLL ME!

To learn more about me and to read my random questions as I think of them, you can follow me on twitter (kwazykozmo) and facebook (Matthew Kuzma).

Well, it's late. I'm going to bed. Nice to meet you all.

Oh, one last thing. How much do you think a glass of moonwater costs?

The Barrel List (part 1)

The Barrel List

Hey there everybody,

I was watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond today and the topic of the episode was quite inspiring. Ray (the guy everyone apparently loves) was having a midlife crisis of sorts and the family suggested he make his "Bucket List" or list of things to do before he dies.

Short story: He didn't have that many things to put on his list, creating even more hilarity as he soon realized he had accomplished what he always dreamed and began to fear that he had nothing left to live for.


This got me thinking.... Why wait until your 40's to make a bucket list? Start young, give yourself more time, and eventually you will churn items off that list like Joey Chestnut packing franks at Nathan's on the Fourth of July.

So without further delay, I present my "Barrel List" (buckets are for kids on the beach). This is part 1 of a (seemingly) unknown number of posts concerning my own life's goals and dreams.

These items are not in any particular order, so I've decided to list them in order of Shenanaganary rating.


Goal: Become a published author
(Shenanaganary rating of "Humble Pie")

I enjoy writing, as you can tell (you are reading this, if you haven't noticed...) and I love expressing my creativity on paper (or word document). To be able to reach a wide array of people with nothing more than my own ideas would be truly fulfilling. Frankly, I'm honored you are reading this, so having a published work would be beyond my wildest expectations.



Goal: Learn To Play Guitar
(Shenanaganary rating of "Gently Weeping")

I like to consider myself musical. I can play most brass instruments as a result of my school days in the band, and I have somewhat learned how to play the harmonica thanks to the plethora of information on the Internet, and I've taken piano lessons for a long time, but one instrument that has always interested me has been the guitar. It's always been elusive... I didn't not have access to one as a child and my parents really weren't knowledgeable about the instrument so they suggested going into music our schools were able to provide lessons with (basically your average wind and percussion showcase). I'm sure if our school did have guitar lessons, they would have been happy to put me in line to learn, but unfortunately some things just don't happen. Hopefully someday in the future (when I can afford it) I will be able to take up the instrument and learn to play it as well.



Goal: Fly a Plane
(Shenanaganary rating of "Kick the tires, light the fires")

I LOVE AIRCRAFT. From watching World War II airplane battles to the star fighter glory from Star Wars, I always wanted to learn to do that. Being a pilot has an element of freedom attached to it most people don't really have. I would love to be able to put myself into the sky and be able to look down and know I'm not going to die from the fall. Planes and helicopters of all types fascinate me, especially military craft. My favorite aircraft is the The McDonnell Douglass F-15 Eagle and it is mostly because of a video game I had on the Sega Genesis called "F-15 Strike Eagle II". As a kid, it was the first plane I was exposed to. The game had detailed specs and diagrams that, over time, I learned to understand.




Well, I'll stop off there for now. Look for more goals of mine in the future, and feel free to share your own in the comments!


~Jimmy "Red Leader to Base, I'm Hit!" the G.

Updates-a-comin

Heeeelllooo!




Now that I have your attention and have placed an always funny Seinfeld pun on my website, I feel I owe you all an apology.

For reasons that are not important (Laziness, forgetfulness, lack of enthusiasm)the channel has not been updated in a while.

NOT ANYMORE!

The channel is now a one-man show, and I am posting this to tell you that it will be updated soon and the not-so-hilarious hilarity will march onward into the oblivion we are all guaranteed as humans.

Stay tuned, internet. More from the Channel is on its way. Thanks for your patience.


Jimmy "GOOOODBYYEEEE" the G.