Why I hate Top 10 Lists (RANT)

TOP 10 LISTS ARE THE PLAGUE OF SOCIETY

I'd like to start out by saying that I do not actually hate all top 10 lists. In fact, I do enjoy reading them from time to time. Sadly, around this time every year a multitude of really stupid top 10 lists come out highlighting all the boring and otherwise stupid things that happen in 365 days. This is an article about why I hate those lists, and how this year my anger level is even higher than usual about the whole ordeal.

And so we begin...

It's 2009. Soon to be 2010. As of this posting there is roughly 16 days remaining until we look back on this decade much like we look back on the 90's and 80's: WITH DISDAIN!

It is for this reason that I absolutely hate it when, at the end of every year, every media outlet in every form, be it Oprah or the local weatherperson, comes out with shitty list after shitty list of things they feel were important in the last year. Top 10 music albums, top 10 sports moments, top 10 pop culture trends, top 10 most wanted, top 10 crappy indie bands, top 10 low fat recipes for aging housewives...

ENOUGH!

THERE IS SIMPLY NOT ENOUGH THAT HAPPENS IN A YEAR THAT WARRANTS A TOP TEN LIST! It's nothing but a list of things that humanity should be forgetting about brought up one more ugly time before we begin a fresh year.

We saw the Paris Hilton screw ups, we know Michael Jackson died, the Steelers won another Superbowl, some crazy bitch sang about her poker face, and we know that President Obama has pretty much done nothing in his historic first year in office, and yet in doing so outdid his predecessor.

There. I just wrapped 2009.

Here is where it gets worse....

Now that the first decade of the new millennium is over, people feel it necessary to recap all the crappy, horrifying, and otherwise stupid things that happened... IN A TOP 10 LIST! Contrary to the relatively low amount of important things that happen in a year, too much happens in 10 years to warrant a simple top 10 list. Most media outlets know this, so they compile much larger lists... in the hundreds of items... for you to pour over.

Whole sections of newspapers and websites are dedicated to this task.

Thousands of pages of paper... millions of lines of computer code... scores of manhours are poured into the making of these gargantuan lists that nobody should have time to read.

Were this a decade of peace and prosperity, I might not be so hard on the concept, but lets face it... the 2000's sucked. The word of the decade, something I'm sure Time Magazine will print before the month is over, will surely be "Terrorism." We are at war in a region that is doomed to be a hellhole for much of the foreseeable future. From 2000-2008 we had a President that was so inept that I'm not entirely sure he knows how to read. The New England Patriots cheated in a number of seasons that could have lead to multiple tarnished NFL titles. There was an attempted remake of Knight Rider. Carrot Top hasn't died, and worst of all...

Mr. Rogers died.

Who wants to remember all of that, let alone highlight the other 90 or so terrible or embarrassing things that happened in the last 10 years? (actually, its a lot more than 90 things, but I digress...)

Ladies and Gentlemen... I beseech you... please do not waste your time reading these lists again this year. I care about all of you... I really do! When you waste your time remembering all the horrible, stupid, or meaningless things of the past year and decade, you are allowing humanity to continually highlight bullshit, and put it up on a big pedestal.

Go now... have some eggnog or whatever alcoholic beverage you drink this time of year, put on a movie, and enjoy life... don't spend it remembering bullshit.

Ahh... I feel better... hopefully I saved a few poor souls from reading all that crap out there.

After all, its Christmas time. Be happy people.

~ Jimmy "Success" the G.

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This post has a Shenanaganary rating of:

"We still didn't find Osama. It's been 10 years."