Life Question 2: Do You Think God Grades on a Curve?

Thou shalt not commit adultery
Thou shalt not forget the sabbath day
Thou shalt not have any other God's but me

Yeah, yeah. We get it. Nobody really cares.

Seriously, let's me honest. The world is a hellhole, and it seems like nobody cares. In fact, the only sin that people seem to have a problem breaking is the whole murder thing.

Too bad.

Humans make good soup.

Anyways. As I was saying, people don't want to believe in God probably because the fact is that God is a party pooper.

I mean, when you're at a party and you are about to score, do you want your friends saying: Good job man; take the car; we'll find our own way home. Or would you rather have them say: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt! You know Miley Cyrus is only sixteeeeeeeen. It wouldn't be moral. You know Jesus wouldn't do that.

Sigh... the old WWJD routine.

Fine God. Fine. But this is the last time I tell you which bar I'm going to.

But you don't stop talking to God. Because let's face it, you need him. You need salvation. You might as well admit it, an eternity in heaven is much better than an eternity of burning.

Again, like always, I know what you're thinking:

You're thinking that you want to be a moral person, but don't wan to give up your current lifestyle.

Well, lucky for you, I've developed a simple and easy way to get the best of both worlds.

You see, Life is like a test. We have choices and decisions every day of our lives and in the end we are judged (graded) for our actions. The best people go to heaven, and the worse people go to hell.

Now I've never been a teacher, but I've had plenty of them. The only thing I have ever learned is that they grade on a curve. So I switched to SPED classes.

Easiest 4.0 in the business.

So as you can see, as long as people are worse than you, you can do poorly and still succeed.

Back to religion:

Luckily we live in a world where the most evil men have walked the Earth. I'm of course referring to Hitler, Tiger Woods, the Joker, Taylor Swift, and the Terminator. Nobody is arguing that these people are heinous. Good thing they're here to make you look good.

Unfortunately people like Jesus, the Pope, Gandhi, and Bob Dole are on the other side of the equation making you look like crap!

BAM!

You're back in the middle again.

So now what?

Well, you have to start bringing down your peers. Make others non believers. Make them sinners. You have to bring them down! Or they will beat you!

What am I saying?

Well, for starters, try taking your friends to an anti religion pep rally. Take a lot of pictures to show God later.

After that, just do what you have to.

You must frame as many people as possible.

All the meanwhile, your job is to only follow the commandments that you think are going to be on the final exam. So choose wisely.

If you have a hard time following these commandments. cheat every once in awhile. Even weight watchers tells you to cheat once in awhile.

So maybe on Tuesdays, kick your neighbors dog. Whatever floats your boat.

Well Good Luck

If you need some more examples, you can watch me (kwazykozmo), corrupt the silly people on Twitter!