The Barrel List (part 1)

The Barrel List

Hey there everybody,

I was watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond today and the topic of the episode was quite inspiring. Ray (the guy everyone apparently loves) was having a midlife crisis of sorts and the family suggested he make his "Bucket List" or list of things to do before he dies.

Short story: He didn't have that many things to put on his list, creating even more hilarity as he soon realized he had accomplished what he always dreamed and began to fear that he had nothing left to live for.


This got me thinking.... Why wait until your 40's to make a bucket list? Start young, give yourself more time, and eventually you will churn items off that list like Joey Chestnut packing franks at Nathan's on the Fourth of July.

So without further delay, I present my "Barrel List" (buckets are for kids on the beach). This is part 1 of a (seemingly) unknown number of posts concerning my own life's goals and dreams.

These items are not in any particular order, so I've decided to list them in order of Shenanaganary rating.


Goal: Become a published author
(Shenanaganary rating of "Humble Pie")

I enjoy writing, as you can tell (you are reading this, if you haven't noticed...) and I love expressing my creativity on paper (or word document). To be able to reach a wide array of people with nothing more than my own ideas would be truly fulfilling. Frankly, I'm honored you are reading this, so having a published work would be beyond my wildest expectations.



Goal: Learn To Play Guitar
(Shenanaganary rating of "Gently Weeping")

I like to consider myself musical. I can play most brass instruments as a result of my school days in the band, and I have somewhat learned how to play the harmonica thanks to the plethora of information on the Internet, and I've taken piano lessons for a long time, but one instrument that has always interested me has been the guitar. It's always been elusive... I didn't not have access to one as a child and my parents really weren't knowledgeable about the instrument so they suggested going into music our schools were able to provide lessons with (basically your average wind and percussion showcase). I'm sure if our school did have guitar lessons, they would have been happy to put me in line to learn, but unfortunately some things just don't happen. Hopefully someday in the future (when I can afford it) I will be able to take up the instrument and learn to play it as well.



Goal: Fly a Plane
(Shenanaganary rating of "Kick the tires, light the fires")

I LOVE AIRCRAFT. From watching World War II airplane battles to the star fighter glory from Star Wars, I always wanted to learn to do that. Being a pilot has an element of freedom attached to it most people don't really have. I would love to be able to put myself into the sky and be able to look down and know I'm not going to die from the fall. Planes and helicopters of all types fascinate me, especially military craft. My favorite aircraft is the The McDonnell Douglass F-15 Eagle and it is mostly because of a video game I had on the Sega Genesis called "F-15 Strike Eagle II". As a kid, it was the first plane I was exposed to. The game had detailed specs and diagrams that, over time, I learned to understand.




Well, I'll stop off there for now. Look for more goals of mine in the future, and feel free to share your own in the comments!


~Jimmy "Red Leader to Base, I'm Hit!" the G.

Updates-a-comin

Heeeelllooo!




Now that I have your attention and have placed an always funny Seinfeld pun on my website, I feel I owe you all an apology.

For reasons that are not important (Laziness, forgetfulness, lack of enthusiasm)the channel has not been updated in a while.

NOT ANYMORE!

The channel is now a one-man show, and I am posting this to tell you that it will be updated soon and the not-so-hilarious hilarity will march onward into the oblivion we are all guaranteed as humans.

Stay tuned, internet. More from the Channel is on its way. Thanks for your patience.


Jimmy "GOOOODBYYEEEE" the G.

Here's an Interesting Concept... Bacon Flavored Vodka

It's not often that a new product excites me as much as the following:



Yes, I know... your first reaction to such an idea is "Who would even come up with an idea like that?"

My answer: A GENIUS. But please... allow me to elaborate.

Conceptualization:

The company releasing Bakon Vodka explains their product as follows:

"Although today you can find plenty of sweet, fruity-flavored mixtures and infusions, we wanted to set out to do something different, something savory…something bacon. And we set out to do it right, to create a premium-quality vodka you’d enjoy drinking." (Direct Link)

You notice immediately that they don't explain their reasoning for bacon, they just assume that bacon is the reason. What genius marketing. Bacon and Alcohol, not because it was wanted, but because its Bacon with Alcohol. It was as if it was missing and someone finally found it.

Let's face it, Bacon is tasty. Be it a healthy variety or pure fatback, bacon provides a delicious and essential part of the classic American breakfast. Crispy, crunchy, and is usually never high enough in quantity to break one of the deadly sins with.

Fast forward 12 hours. Happy hour has started. People begin drinking. If it's a Friday night, people begin partying. What is missing from this? Well, if your drinks are crunchy, you need to get a different drink, but the concept of that delicious bacon taste is certainly in limited quantities. What better way to infuse the best thing about the morning with the best thing about the evening?

Bakon Vodka is here.

Application:

Bakon Vodka's site lists a number of drink recipes here, and while I don't want to steal their site's thunder, I simply must highlight a few:

1) Bakon Chocolate Martini

This is classic use of concept expansion. What else kicks ass besides bacon and alcohol? Well, Chocolate sounds like a good contender! Looking at the simple recipe, it looks like bacon fans with a sweet tooth and a drinking problem are in for some happy times. The only real problem would be the shaken or stirred question. Decisions, decisions...

The only thing that could expand this further would be holiday mixes. Bakonogg anyone?





2) Bakon Vodka Marinated Steak

I simply can't imagine anyone besides a vegetarian being against this concept. There is already a high demand for steak and bacon concatenation, but allowing steak to be marinated in bacon? What an awesome idea that until now has been virtually unattainable. Sure, we have marinated food in alcohol before, such as beer-battered fish or ground beef with Jack Daniels Brand Barbecue Sauce, but the idea of MARINATING MEAT IN OTHER MEAT is simply too good to be true.






Final Thoughts:

Unfortunately for all of us, Bakon Vodka has not hit shelves yet, and when it does it will not be in very large distribution areas. According to the official site, only the northwest will get to taste it at launch, but I promise you, dear readers, I will find a way to ship it to the City of Champions as soon as I can for an official review. While we wait, we can try to brew up our own!

Hopefully you were not scared away by the man's strange rapist mustache.

In the meantime, I ask that interested readers throw their support behind the fine people at Bakon Vodka and give their site your eyeballs.

http://www.bakonvodka.com/

Hopefully the demand for this product can grow enough for more areas to justify carrying it.



~Jimmy "Then again... it might taste horrible." the G.

Are you a Believer?

BELIEVE

Do We Really need an A-Team remake?

The decision to write this article came after reading this Daily News Story:
Liam Neeson may join cast of 'A-Team' film

To be totally honest, I've never watched a lot of the A-Team. I think that what actually keeps it relevant is the high amount of media exposure still given to Mr. T. and those commercials about vans and how they still rock (they really do rock). This being said, it is often wondered if classic media properties like this deserve to be remade. I ask a different question: Do classic media properties deserve NOT to be remade? My answer: yes, and here is why:


This is another remake of an old product that is still generally regarded positively. Like other recent remakes, it will only to be changed enough to guarantee it wont be worth watching. Examples include G.I. Joe, Speed Racer, and the recent film remake of Land of the Lost (I heard that tanked this weekend. What a shame).

This isn't like Transformers or classic Super Heroes, or even the successful Ocean's 11 remakes, where the potential for new stories are not ruined by the new actors involved. Transformers was an overwhelming success and superhero movies can go on forever without much issue due to the massive library of source material. The A-Team was more about the characters and the actors who played them, making a remake a very risky idea.

Don't get me wrong. I love Liam Neeson and respect his work. (Rob Roy was incredible and Phantom Menace was tolerable thanks to him). Mr. T. is a classic icon of the show. He primarily played himself with a name change, since his personality is so colorful and entertaining. It doesn't help that George Peppard (Hannibal) died or that dirk Benedict (Face) and Dwight Schultz ("Howling Mad" Murdock) are too old to reprise the roles.

Actor issues are just some of the issues I feel the need to discuss:

1: Why remake this franchise now? Of all times to do a remake of a vigilante group of ex-G.I. prisoners from the Vietnam era, what makes it relevant now? NBC tried the same thing resurrecting Knight Rider last fall and we all know how that went. Still worse, Knight Rider was remade into another TV Show. Movies have a much larger budget, and it would be a huge waste of Fox's cash should the the A-Team fail.

UPDATE: They are using the gulf war as the back story instead of Vietnam. Great. A vigilant group of Desert Storm G.I.s with their cell phones and other technology. The lack of those things made the show great, right?

2: Are they seriously not considering Mr. T. as Sgt. Baracus? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Rumor says Quinton "Rampage" Jackson wants the part. I may throw up.



3: They better not update the god damn van. It doesn't need turbo boosters or machine guns or any of that nonsense. All they need to do is make sure Terry "The Hulk" Hogan is in it and they should be fine.

4: Would you like to watch the A-Team without that awesome intro? Would a remade intro do the show justice?

5: How could you top the "crime they didn't commit" in Vietnam with something from Iraq? For those who don't know, the original show explained that they were ordered to rob the Bank of Hanoi to assist the war endgame scenario, only to find that after a successful mission, their C.O. was killed by the Vietcong. This caused them to be accused of robbing a bank without evidence of being ordered to, and there was a court martial.

There are no banks worth robbing in Iraq, or at least none that would have any bearing on a war. Also, what economy in Iraq could collapse and still end the war? We'd have to burn all the oil or something right?

5: They won't make it a comedy. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? The A-Team was hilarious! It was the huge draw of the show! sure, the aforementioned "Ocean's 11" style comedy is kinda dry and much more serious, but it doesn't fit the A-Team format at all. Just who are Fox and friends trying to draw with this movie? It certainly doesn't look like they are reaching out the show's fan base.



I guess the bottom line is that some classic properties should just be left alone. The Internet is an amazing thing that allows old content to live on and still be accessible. Instead of reliving the last generation's quality entertainment, Hollywood should really try to start generating quality original content. Just because last summer's remake of "Get Smart" went well doesn't mean all your TV-Land favorites should get a movie remake.

Whew. I guess that was a bit of a rant there, especially for someone that really isn't that invested in the A-Team. I guess I'm just of the belief that today's Hollywood is not capable of really extending it's creative wings and flying, like in the days of old. They come close sometimes, but just keep falling back into remake mode, and I think it's getting a bit tiring. The only good remake to the A-Team would be a video game.

Let the channel know what you think in the comments below.

~Jimmy "I pity the fools who make this movie" the G.

A quick note on the Channel Hide Rating System

Since the writers here at the channel are still laying the groundwork for posting standards and such, we decided to use a uniform 5-star rating scale when rating events, movies, TV shows, and just about anything else that warrants a rating. We do not use half stars or any of that nonsense, and the colorful symbols can be seen below:











1 Star Rating:
This is pretty bad. The movie reviewed isn't worth seeing. The product tested wasn't worth buying. The person being critiqued deserves to die. There isn't much worse than a 1 star rating, with the exception of the label 'ABSOLUTE SHIT' which we will not preview here. You'll just have to hope we review something that bad to see it.












2 Star Rating:
Two stars is a tough area to describe. It's generally not good, be it a show or movie or a bad sporting event. It may be worth trying out, renting, or getting the lowdown from a friend (depending on what it is being rated, of course) but generally we recommend giving 2 starred things the cold shoulder, if only for your own safety.












3 Star Rating:
Here's where things get interesting. 3 stars usually means the item being reviewed is decent enough to warrant your attention. It has its flaws, but it also has it's strengths, and we usually view the strengths as qualities that make it worthwhile. You may not be totally satisfied with the result, but the item is almost always worth the time of day. A 3 star movie is one worth a matinee showing, while items, events, and people should definitely be taken seriously when being considered.












4 Star Rating:
That's some quality craftsmanship, right there. The thing being reviewed gets four stars when it truly demonstrates excellence in whatever category it falls in, and is usually considered 'essential' for viewers to see, buy, or participate in. It gets four stars instead of five due to nitpicking by our reviewers, most of which calls to mind the few things that are missing from the item or flawed but not detrimental to the experience the item gives (not to mention that if we give everything 5 stars, we have no basis of credibility at all). Four stars is well deserved excellence.












5 Star Rating:
Five stars. It's the Lombardi Trophy. A no-hitter. It's Sliced Bread and fluffy chocolate with nougat. It really doesn't get much better than this. Near flawless, essential, and loved by all, a five star item is pure gold wrapped in angel wings and instead of descending from Heaven, it rises up, and it's taking you with it. This rare prize is only awarded to the most deserving of nouns, and most likely won't be seen often on this site. Should you spot it, you can be sure that you are entering a 'Drop Everything and Run' moment in your life. Sing it's praises from the highest mountain peaks. Cherish it. Love it. Share it.



There you have it. Now you know what to expect when you see those icons splattered throughout the site. Hopefully this system keeps you from buying something awful (like this) and instead you achieve greatness (like this). Any questions? Slam the comments below, but beware the Justice Spatula. It lurks ever so quietly above you, waiting to bring down the hurt.


~Jimmy "I rate this post ABSOLUTE SHIT because I can" the G.

Welcome to Channel Hide

Welcome, Internet traveler, to Channel Hide, a blog that contains the internal rambles of a slightly insane group of individuals translated by a keyboard and slammed onto your computer screen. If you make it through this first post, your internal "Weird to English" translation ability is functioning wonderfully, and you probably will enjoy what you find every time you come back.

I guess as your read this first post, you probably want to know a few things before deciding to pay any attention to what I have to say here. For your convenience and sanity, I have created this handy FAQ to ponder about for the next few paragraphs.

Who the hell is typing at me?

I should say "Great Question" but since it is my question it's not that important. I am James T. George, Hidesquadron1, Jim, Tony, Porkchop, and about ten million other nicknames. I prefer Jim, and should you choose to correspond with me, I suggest using that name almost exclusively.

I am your everyday sorta guy, with special emphasis on my inner geek. When I'm not being preachy about my love for my Pittsburgh sport teams, I'm usually trying to keep up with the fast paced world of technology, entertainment, comedy, and just about anything else people are talking about.

As much as I would love to continue to play myself off as an awesome person (I really do rock) I would much rather you all get to know me and my interests through my writing. Stick around and I promise you will eventually come to know me better than I know myself (and then invite me to parties and stuff).

Why Should I Read This Thing?

Another great question, Jim! I prefer to think of this site as an outlet for the multitude of internal monologues I develop every second of every day, only here I filter out the crap and actually prepare concrete thoughts for you to read and (hopefully) enjoy. My writings here will span a wide array of topics which will appear randomized and presented as casually as possible. I enjoy making people laugh, so often I will fill my chats with anecdotes (usually within these nifty parenthesized areas that are usually breaking established grammar rules) and will often get sidetracked during those comedic thoughts as well. Get used to that if you plan on sticking around.

Keep an eye out for the rare anecdotes within anecdotes because that usually will be the part of the article where my thoughts spin out of control, and you may need to get a beverage and/or aspirin to continue reading. I apologise in advance for this. I simply can't help myself.

I am not a fountain of knowledge, by any means, so anything I do post that requires some sort of evidence to back it up will have it. I also have many contacts who might have input on topics of interest, and they will be able to post as contributors. I also welcome feedback, so comments are encouraged and (mostly) won't be moderated. I'm not against foul language or anything like that (although let's try not to go overboard with it) but I do not tolerate personal attacks, racism, slander, and all that other garbage some of you (twisted, evil, detrimental to society type people) like to post. If any of that does come up (and it probably will) I or one of the other authors will be sure to remove such nonsense with our patented "Justice Spatula" (its not really patented). This is a blog, not the senate debate chambers. Keep things civil folks.

Why Are You Writing This Nonsense?

I have stuff to say, basically. Why do I have to say it? I don't really have an answer for that. Maybe somehow I'm feeling that by allowing people to read my random thoughts I will somehow enrich their day? Sure, that's a great thing to hope for in a blog like this, and if you feel the same you should start a blog too. I also enjoy a good conversation, and a blog is a great way to start one on any topic you choose. I also really enjoy making people laugh, and as an easy going guy myself, I enjoy reading things that are entertaining and interesting. Hopefully my sense of humor translates well here.

If I had to declare a mission statement, I suppose it would be something like: "Inform, Entertain, and converse about anything and everything myself or the readers feel like discussing."

How Can I contact you and perhaps contribute?

All my contact information, as well as that of anyone else authoring regularly, will be available on the right hand side of the page. I have set up a nice google chat gadget there too, if you would want to talk with me live (assuming I'm at my computer).

To contribute I would say the best way would be via the comments, where you, me, and other readers can converse. If you have some sort of topic or tip you'd like to see a post about, drop it and any URLs into an email. (No attachments please. Emails with attachments are automatically filtered out.)

Is There An RSS Feed?

Yes. Click the button under the contact info and choose your feed reader of choice. If you are unfamiliar with RSS feeds, here is a quick overview of them and how you can use them:

http://www.whatisrss.com/

Will you be doing rich content posting?

I got an email about this before I even had my first post up, so I guess it's worth talking about. For those who are not familiar with the term, "Rich Content" could be pictures, audio, video, and interactive content. I will most certainly utilize such things, and I will try not to make you need to download abnormal software on your computer to enjoy this content.

Things you probably should have to enjoy this content, and where to get them:

- Adobe Flash: http://get.adobe.com/flashplayer/

- Microsoft Silverlight: http://www.microsoft.com/silverlight/resources/install.aspx

- Windows Media Plugins (for Firefox): http://port25.technet.com/pages/windows-media-player-firefox-plugin-download.aspx

Since this site is built on the Google Blogger service, I don't see why it wouldn't work on most major browsers. If you are reading this, you don't really need to change anything, but I do recommend IE, Firefox, and/or Google Chrome because they all pretty much run all web content you will come across elsewhere.

What Does "Channel Hide" Mean?

It really doesn't mean anything. It originated as a spin off my screen name mentioned above, but I just think it sounds cool.

I Am A Cleveland Sports Fan. What Should I Do?

Never tell anyone, and try to quit - cold turkey. Should you find that difficult, find a support group. There's a rather large one in Pittsburgh, where 65,050 gather most Sundays during the fall and winter months at the local football stadium.

I hope that overview helps a bit, and I really hope you come back to read some more as the site evolves. I recommend visiting 117 times a day, just incase something new is posted, but thats just me.

~Jimmy "Nice to meet you, Interwebs" the G.